Comme si c’était hier…

FIN

Vous connaissez probablement cette expression populaire : « Je m’en souviens, comme si c’était hier… ». Combien de fois l’avez-vous prononcée ou entendue ? Pourtant, cette expression véhicule généralement un pieux mensonge. Personne ne peut vraiment se souvenir de quelque chose « comme si c’était hier ». Allez, j’essaie.

Vous connaissez probablement cette expression populaire : « Je m’en souviens, comme si c’était hier… ». Combien de fois l’avez-vous prononcée ou entendue ? Pourtant, cette expression véhicule généralement un pieux mensonge. Personne ne peut vraiment se souvenir de quelque chose « comme si c’était hier ». Allez, j’essaie.

(…)

Je suis sorti du plateau vers 13h30 et j’ai immédiatement envoyé un sms pour avoir des nouvelles. Il n’y en avait pas encore. L’opération était en cours depuis le milieu de la matinée. Une heure plus tard, environ, un coup de fil m’informa que cela semblait « se dérouler plutôt bien ».

Je suis donc parti, assez tranquille, vers mon rendez-vous de 15h30. Vers 28, 29, je crois, alors que j’attendais devant le café, le portable a sonné. « II faut que tu ailles tout de suite à la clinique. Ça a l’air de se passer moins bien que ce qu’on pensait ». Je crois que j’ai répondu un machin hyper léger du genre : « C’est plié ».

La situation était étrange. Je me suis retrouvé face à H., que je ne connais pas encore, et je lui ai lâché un truc direct comme : « Je suis désolé, le café est fermé et puis, en fait, j’ai une merde, il faut que je parte d’urgence, ma mère est en train de mourir ». Enfin… Euh… Pas exactement, parce que, comme je ne sais pas trop prononcer mourir, je crois bien que j’ai dit « calancher ». Ou un verbe tout aussi incongru ! J’ai laissé H. et j’ai refait le même chemin, plus vite, en sens inverse. J’ai récupéré les clefs de la voiture et je suis allé à la clinique.

L. était dehors. Malheureusement, comme nous le pressentions depuis que la décision d’opérer d’urgence avait été prise, c’était foutu. Elle ne se réveillerait pas. Et c’était sans doute beaucoup mieux.

Je suis monté. Et puis nous avons attendu. Ensemble. Et séparément. En haut. En bas. Dedans. Dehors. C’est absurde. La vie s’enfuit à quelques centimètres et personne ne peut rien faire. L’attente pouvant être longue, et surtout tristement inutile, dans cette chambre où elle ne reviendrait pas, nous avons décidé de partir. Pour revenir, lorsque l’on nous appellerait, pour nous prévenir.

Je suis parti le premier. J’ai à peine fait 400 mètres en voiture. Mon téléphone a sonné. Il fallait que je revienne. Vite. Maman tout craché ça ! Elle n’a jamais supporté qu’on s’en aille ! J’ai fait demi-tour. À peine quelques poignées de minutes plus tard, c’était terminé. Là bas, dans cette autre pièce où je n’irai pas.

J’ai envoyé le sms de quatre lettres. ‘Fini’.

Je suis remonté.

Des téléphones qui sonnent. Des kleenex. Des messages. Des appels. L’épaule et le cou de S. Ma main sur la joue de P. Les cheveux frisés de T. Les yeux d’A. Et ces mots prononcées par un autre que moi qui, bizarrement, parlait, pourtant, avec ma voix (!) et par ma bouche. La veille de sa mort (comme ça fait drôle d’écrire ça…) maman nous avait dit, exaltée et très calme à la fois, que, quand elle s’entendait parler, elle avait l’impression que « c’était quelqu’un d’autre, avec un micro, qui parlait à sa place ». J’ai compris à ce moment précis ce qu’elle avait voulu dire. Sauf pour le micro en fait.

Nous sommes encore restés un peu ensemble.

Je suis parti le premier, comme souvent. Je suis rentré. « La Folie des Grandeurs » passait dans le lecteur de DVD. La chaleur – le feu de bois – et la joie inhabituellement un peu triste de la maison. Je crois bien me rappeler que j’ai cassé l’ouvre-bouteilles !

Vous voyez, finalement, l’expression est vraie. « Je m’en souviens, comme si c’était hier » !

Justement, c’était hier…

5 Commentaires

  1. ……..

  2. ….. bis

  3. J’ai lu.
    Je me souviens comme si c’était hier un voyage en train après un coup de téléphone où j’ai entendu « tu peux rentrer ». Je savais ce que ça signifiait.
    J’avais 16 ans et 4h de train parce que c’était fini justement.
    J’ai longtemps écouté « Avec le temps » de Léo Ferré.
    Maintenant tu sais pourquoi je ne peux plus l’écouter.

  4. « Là, t’as pris cher ». C’est ce que m’a dit un de mes meilleurs amis au téléphone le lendemain de la mort de mon père, 4 jours après la mort de ma fille (je ne saurai jamais si l’infarctus de l’un était lié à la conclusion inexorable du syndrôme de Dandy Walker de l’autre). Il m’a fait éclater de rire. Quand je repense parfois à cette affreuse semaine (conclue par un double enterrement), ce souvenir m’empêche de sombrer dans une profonde mélancolie. Je ne l’ai jamais remericé pour cela. Il faudra que je le fasse.

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